Parenting a child with autism can bring both challenges and joys. Big feelings and strong reactions can make some moments harder, but every child has the ability to grow. With patience, routine, and lots of love, children with autism can learn healthy ways to understand and manage their emotions. Here are some steps you can try, with insights from the ConneXion Milestones Autism Resources Conference I attended this past June.
Step 1: Connect Before You Correct
When emotions are running high, reasoning and discipline won’t sink in right away. Start with connection.
You might say:
“I can see you’re having a hard time right now. I’m here. I love you. Let’s take a break together.”
Sometimes words are too much in the moment, so try sitting nearby, offering a comforting item, or simply being present until your child is ready. Once they’re calm, you can revisit what happened and explore different ways to handle it next time.
Step 2: Use Predictable Routines
Children with autism thrive on predictability. Unexpected changes can feel overwhelming and may trigger meltdowns. Try to:
- Keep daily routines steady
- Give advance warnings when something will change (“In 10 minutes, we’re leaving the park”)
- Use visual supports like picture schedules or timers
- Offer small, simple choices (“Do you want to read before or after your bath?” or “Which movie would you like to choose - this one or that one?”)
Predictability helps your child feel safe and gives them a sense of control.
Step 3: Model Self-Regulation
Children with autism often learn best through example. Show them how you manage your own emotions:
- Take deep breaths and say, “I need a minute to calm my body.”
- Use calming strategies like gentle pressure, a hug, or a quiet tone.
- Avoid yelling or harsh punishments. These can make a child feel even more dysregulated.
Keep discipline focused on teaching: “Here’s what we can try next time.”
Step 4: Build Extra Support Into Everyday Life
Autistic children may need added supports to help manage transitions and big feelings:
- Break tasks into small, clear steps.
- Use visual reminders, checklists, or schedules.
- Provide sensory supports (like noise-canceling headphones or a calming corner).
- Check in regularly to offer reassurance and guidance.
Meeting your child where they are and giving them tools to succeed will go a long way!
Step 5: Ask for Help When You Need It
If emotions or behavior feel too big to handle alone, reach out for support. Therapists, support groups, and autism specialists can offer strategies and encouragement. You don’t have to do this alone.
A reminder:
Parent the child in front of you. Autism doesn’t look the same in every child. Focus on your child’s unique needs today.
Autism may bring challenges, but it also brings unique strengths, like deep focus, honesty, creativity, and a fresh perspective on the world. With connection, structure, and support, your child can learn to navigate their big feelings and thrive.
About the author:
Amber Sullivan served as an Early Intervention Service Coordinator at Bright Beginnings from 2010-2024. In 2024 she moved into her current role as Positive Parenting Coordinator for the Triple P program. She holds a Bachelor of Science in Child and Family Studies from Ashland University. Amber brings experience in working with children with special needs and helping parents to adapt to the needs of their children. Amber also has a special interest in children with trauma and ADHD. Her two step nieces came into her and her husband's home at ages 5 and 13 in 2022. Amber and her husband adopted the girls in March 2024 and they are now 16 and 8. Amber is a strong advocate for her girls and collaborates with a variety of resources and agencies in the community both personally and professionally. She is passionate about helping parents wherever they are in their journey to be their best selves.